Smooth Wooden Ball Interview with Dana Gould

SWB: Hello, this is Smooth Wooden Ball for SC Naked News. I'm here with Dana Gould. How ya doing Dana?

DG: Hi Smooth Wooden Ball. Good to see you again. I haven't seen you since the bocci tournament.

SWB: That was a long time ago. You had a pilot that was passed on.

DG: Yeah.

SWB: Was it sort of a double slap in the face that it was passed on by Fox?

DG: Yeah. Well the amazing thing is that I have been "passed on" by so many major networks now that it is part of an ongoing series of disappointments. What is so amazing about it, is that they spent over a million dollars to make it and then they just abandon it.

SWB: Did they give you any reasons why they didn't like it?

DG: Technically... no. I know the reasons why they didn't go for it but-

SWB: --And what would those be?

DG: They went with an ethnic lineup for their new comedies and I guess "Irish" wasn't one of those ethnicities. So that's fine. It's sorta payback time for the blue-eyed devil as far as TV lineups are concerned. I'm the Irish Rosa Parks as far as the Fox schedule is concerned.

SWB: So what are some other things you're working on then? You have a CD that's coming out?

DG: Yeah... I have my first CD coming out in July and that'll be on Virgin.

SWB: Let me ask you something. How long do you think it will take before it winds up in the bargain bin.

DG: I'm hoping to go straight to the bargain bin. Well, if the CD works like the show... it'll never be released. They'll get a big shipment in and melt them. I'll get a big, BIG metal ball in my backyard. "Those are my CDs!"

You have a very negative slant to your questions and I don't mind telling you that. You're just a discarded castor.

SWB: I didn't just roll out of the musket pile. Well right now your image is on the screen... would you like to see it do something cool?

DG: Yes. I have always wanted to have a chainsaw hand like "Ash" in "Evil Dead."

SWB: Okay, let's get the chainsaw hand on there. Have you ever been drunk? I mean, really drunk.

DG: I've been drunk with a lack of power. Some people get drunk on power. I get drunk with a lack of power. I wake up sometimes in the morning and realize that I can't affect change or tell anyone what to do. And it gets me silly.

SWB: I was wondering what it would be like to get a prank phone call from, oh I don't know... Don Knotts.

DG: Well that's the problem with Don Knotts. He can't make crank phone calls. He has that super identifiable voice. Well, you know he'd like to make crank phonecalls. He's up at 3 a.m. in a dirty bathrobe.

"Well (sniffing) I been looking at you in your bedroom window."

"Is this Don Knotts? Ewww."

"How the hell do they know it's me all the time."

Vincent Price had the same problem.

"(As Vincent) You know, I can't help noticing that you were wearing that blue sundress today."

"Who is this?"

"It's not Vincent Price!

SWB: If you could eat one thing everyday... what would that be?

DG: Diana Rigg.

SWB: Alright, ladies and gentleman... this has been the Smooth Wooden Ball with Dana Gould. Thanks for being on the show.

DG: I had a great time. I have slightly less depth in real life I'd like to tell the viewers.